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about birdw0rks

At first glance, birdw0rks appears to be the product of a multi-tallented producer, composer, songwriter and musician, but those familliar with the git birds know that nothing could be further from the truth.

Born Gadys Minge in a ditch in southern rural Northamptonshire in England, his parents (not that they admit to being his parents) were humble potato fiddlers and collectors of bovine semen. He was educated in a series of accidental potting sheds and discarded milk churns before finding obscurity in a series of garage bands, culminating in the now legendary "Latex Fetish and the High Pressure Nozzels" co-staring with the infamous One Fret Out lead guitarist, Andrea Purge. During a dizzying (aka drunk) career playing pubs and village halls from Greens Norton to Blisworth, the band were well known for only getting together for a couple of pratice sessions two days before the gig. Unfortunately they practiced only their Origami skills and not their songs. An unsteady diet of fish finger sandwiches and unreal ale took its toll and the band fell apart amid intense apathy. It was then that birds knew that he had to get the latex monkey off his back for good and began to direct his energies into solo recordings.

Forced to consider finding a job, birds opted instead for the world of academia. He smuggled himself into the USA inside a cheap corn dog and obtained a degree in beetle sexing at the Institute for the Hard of Feeling in Dipspit, Texas, a qualification which is only recognised by the international academic community and in no way qualifies him to practice medicine, no matter what he tells you or how many times he shows you his nurse. It was during this time that birdw0rks was born (a breached birth) and his distinctly amateurish music was forced on an increasing number of suffering "friends" whom he called an audience (or worse).

Bird's lost-in-a-carpark standards of mobility. Moving from Texas to New York to New Mexico (where he aquired a wife from a catalogue), to darkest, ugliest, dampest Wales (sheep were safe neither side of the pond), he was to experience extremes of temperature and humidity that would warp his wooden bladder forever. Throughout his travels he kept up a steady stream of musical dribble with which to bother his expanding audience. Finaly broken by the rain up Snowdon, he retreated back to New Mexico where he practiced animal husbandry whenever his wife wasn't looking or the gag would allow.

By 2004, the radioactivity in New Mexico was taking it's toll, an alien abdunction was imminent, and he was tiring of gluing his skin back on every day. So when a vacancy arose in New York's perstigious Cheapdegreeonabogroll University, in a role at the Division of Unintelligent Design for which he was uniquely qualified, he jumped at the chance to move north-east to place where people wouldn't think he talked so funny, where it's normal for people to walk the streets in nothing but a paper bag, and where he could find acceptance in late night Central Park drinking circles.

The distinctive birdw0rks style has seen him borrowing extensively from recordings of their paticipation in his great sound experiments. Critics may say that he simply waits for the usual suspects to get as drunk as a lord and then steals snippets from their innebreated ramblings and sets them to music, but that doesn't sound so clever when you actually think about it.

birdw0rks currently resides noisily with his inflatable menagerie in New York, where he is rarely allowed vowels.

Quaz, February 2005